Lent has arrived! The time of the year when we must sacrifice ourselves for God. After a beautiful dinner with the Saram community on Monday I came upon the book "The Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin. It's a beautifully written book not about how to be happy, but how to be happier. Similar to Gretchen after 19 months of living in Micronesia, I found myself taking many things for granted. I am very happy but find times of the day when I just dont feel as energized as other times. With Lent starting this week I have decided to pair my Lenten promises with the idea of being happier.
As many of you know, I love my bed and am not a morning person by any means. I sometimes find myself hitting my snooze button for almost an hour before I pull myself out of my bed. For Lent I have decided to "give up" my snooze button. Once my alarm rings in the morning, I am up and out of bed, ready to start a new day. One of my "happiness" goals is to get enough sleep. This means not staying up too late reading or doing work in the office. Picking a time and choosing to go to bed.
I have also decided to attend weekday mass every morning. I feel so fulfilled after a mass and it really is a beautiful start to my day. I have only been going on Wednesdays but have found such a peace in the presence of mass. Getting out of bed and getting enough sleep will also be major factors in me attending mass. One of the reasons I did not attend daily before was because, sadly I could not pull myself out of bed or I needed coffee before my classes started. I have to say after three days, I have actually felt really happy.
Another idea I got from Gretchen's book was the 5-minute rule. Always do a chore or an activity you might have put off for later that will take you less then 5 minutes. Putting a book back in the right spot, washing your dish, or changing your sheets. I always find myself putting all these little chores off until later. So my new resolution for Lent, is to do all those projects that I may have saved for another day.
Additionally, I am going to act the way I want to feel. I want to feel happy, I want to feel energetic, and if this is what I want, I am going to act that way. If I want to be a fun teacher, I am going to act fun. If I want to be a loving community mate, I am going to act more loving. It's all about how I want to feel then acting that way. And if I am happier, hopefully those around me will be happier too.
Lastly, in my constant discernment process, Gretchen talked about passion. I have been to find my passion since I started college. What do I love? What brings me joy? These are things I still feel like I haven't figured out yet. I have been blessed to have so many experiences, but I still am not sure what God is calling me to do. I think back to my beautiful childhood and how much joy I had playing outside, dancing around my room, and hanging out with my cousins. I think about college and loving to babysit the little ones. And here how much I love talking to these students about their lives, their passions, their faith. I have come to love so much about others. I really am not sure what God wants me to do, but I want to take this Lenten season to pay more attention to it. To find something that will pull me out of bed in the morning (even though I love sleeping in).
So good luck on all of your Lenten promises and your own happiness. For me, I know I am still a work in progress, but I have faith that God will guide me through Lent and has helped me to find that everyday happiness in the people, in the beauty, and the life that surrounds me.
Friday, February 24, 2012
Thursday, December 8, 2011
an unexpected GIFT
Discernment. We hear it all the time, especially in the Jesuit world. Praying, waiting, conversations, waiting, journaling, waiting, and eventually coming down to a decision with the help of family, friends, community, and God. Discernment is the reason why it took a month or two to decide that JVC was the program for me. It's the reason why men take years to join the Jesuits. Carefully, praying. Conversations with others about what is best. But mostly, an inner passion that one cannot explain.
Since joining JVC and coming to Micronesia, I have felt like one of the lost sheep trying to figure out what my Shepherd wants from me. Not so much in Micronesia, but what to do upon my return, to answer the question "what's next," and to figure out where my values, beliefs, and priorities are.
For my family or anyone who knew me as a younger girl, dating back to late childhood into preteens, they could probably tell you I was fired up about women's rights. I wanted to join the football team to prove girls could do it. I wanted to either be the first female president or the first female priest. I even choose Joan of Arc as my confirmation name because I felt like she resembled "Girl Power" the best out of all the saints. Football fell through. I found other saints to admire for their humility and generosity. And after my strict-Catholic great-aunts and grandmother also had a heart attack that I would ever be able to be a priest, I decided to focus on being the first female president. I am not into politics at all, so luckily someone else will take that task away from me.
All of this "Girl Power", "Girls Rule", "You Go Girl!" and so on was put on the back burner, never thinking twice because I grew up in a place where equality was the norm. I never had to fight for anything because I was a female and I never felt like I wasn't allowed to do anything because of my gender. It wasn't until Micronesia I felt the need to be passionate about being a female or challenge inequality.
Being in Micronesia, this passion has came back. I always felt like the girl's here have been overlooked in various ways and opportunities. This week sealed the deal. While proctoring detention I read a National Geographic article about how soap opera's in Brazil depicting powerful women has created a feminist movement and sexually harassment is down, because women feel more empowered. Then there was an article in TIME about women in Africa staying in school for only a few years longer increase family income, decreases infant mortality, decreases death during pregnancy (since most are young teenage mothers), and are creating a better economy for the villages and cities.
I think this all came to a head when a class of girls asked me about tampons. I took this time to education students about their bodies. I noticed how great it felt to talk to these girls, not just about their bodies, but about empowering themselves as females. The "Girl Power" has hit Xavier and Micronesia. It's not a lot, but its a start. It's new ideas and conversations. I'm not sure if this is a deeply rooted passion I am just discovering that will lead me into the next phase of my life or a movement that will stay in Chuuk. All I know is it's exciting, it's thrilling, and it's interesting. It was definitely unexpected, but its a big gift that God has given me, and for that I am thankful.
Since joining JVC and coming to Micronesia, I have felt like one of the lost sheep trying to figure out what my Shepherd wants from me. Not so much in Micronesia, but what to do upon my return, to answer the question "what's next," and to figure out where my values, beliefs, and priorities are.
For my family or anyone who knew me as a younger girl, dating back to late childhood into preteens, they could probably tell you I was fired up about women's rights. I wanted to join the football team to prove girls could do it. I wanted to either be the first female president or the first female priest. I even choose Joan of Arc as my confirmation name because I felt like she resembled "Girl Power" the best out of all the saints. Football fell through. I found other saints to admire for their humility and generosity. And after my strict-Catholic great-aunts and grandmother also had a heart attack that I would ever be able to be a priest, I decided to focus on being the first female president. I am not into politics at all, so luckily someone else will take that task away from me.
All of this "Girl Power", "Girls Rule", "You Go Girl!" and so on was put on the back burner, never thinking twice because I grew up in a place where equality was the norm. I never had to fight for anything because I was a female and I never felt like I wasn't allowed to do anything because of my gender. It wasn't until Micronesia I felt the need to be passionate about being a female or challenge inequality.
Being in Micronesia, this passion has came back. I always felt like the girl's here have been overlooked in various ways and opportunities. This week sealed the deal. While proctoring detention I read a National Geographic article about how soap opera's in Brazil depicting powerful women has created a feminist movement and sexually harassment is down, because women feel more empowered. Then there was an article in TIME about women in Africa staying in school for only a few years longer increase family income, decreases infant mortality, decreases death during pregnancy (since most are young teenage mothers), and are creating a better economy for the villages and cities.
I think this all came to a head when a class of girls asked me about tampons. I took this time to education students about their bodies. I noticed how great it felt to talk to these girls, not just about their bodies, but about empowering themselves as females. The "Girl Power" has hit Xavier and Micronesia. It's not a lot, but its a start. It's new ideas and conversations. I'm not sure if this is a deeply rooted passion I am just discovering that will lead me into the next phase of my life or a movement that will stay in Chuuk. All I know is it's exciting, it's thrilling, and it's interesting. It was definitely unexpected, but its a big gift that God has given me, and for that I am thankful.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
home is where your boat is
well after 15 months, im home. i feel like this is finally my home. the people, my students, the smells, the 15-hour days. they are all apart of my life and i feel like its finally familiar. even with the long days and some of the stress, i feel like this is again, where i belong. i feel so much of God's presence here and i see the Gospel loved out so much more then anywhere else. as the semester slowly comes to an end, and the end of my time here, gets closer, i can see how much i have touched the lives here, but more so, how much they really have touched mine.
i see hope. i see love. i see home. i see God.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Let Us Break Bread Together
Let us break bread together on our knees, (on our knees)
Let us break bread together on our knees. (on our knees)
When I fall on my knees with my face to the rising sun,
O Lord, have mercy on me.
Let us drink wine together on our knees, (on our knees)
Let us drink wine together on our knees. (on our knees)
When I fall on my knees with my face to the rising sun,
O Lord, have mercy on me.
Let us praise God together on our knees, (on our knees)
Let us praise God together on our knees. (on our knees)
When I fall on my knees with my face to the rising sun,
O Lord, have mercy on me.
In the past year I have probably heard the song “Break Bread Together” about once or twice a week. But what does it really mean to break bread together? I have broken bread almost every Sunday since I made my first communion in the second grade. I have shared my faith and the scriptures with others. I go to church, a lot. I have traveled to places in and out of the States. But when have I truly broken bread with the people around me.
It was not until a Chuukese wedding reception and a little advice from the book “The Irrestible Revolution” I came to realize what breaking bread was actually about. Sitting in the middle of my students and a couple fellow teachers eating rice, breadfruit, taro, lobster, shrimp, and sharing cans of root beer I noticed for the first time it was not just about culture. I have done the eating with my hands and sharing everything on plate for a good year. But it was about breaking bread, literally. When we eat together, share food and drinks, its not only about filling our tummies, its about being a part of a community. Not only a community of Xavier students and staff, but a community of Christians, standing together, sharing our lives.
We didn’t need a church, a homily, or even a priest. We didn’t need a big show or even gospel music. It was simple. It was Jesus, who turned a couple pieces of bread and fish into a meal for everyone. And it was Jesus who ate bread and wine at His last supper. He was not a man who ate feasts of food or dined in the best places. He broke bread with His followers. He ate simple meals. Looking around on Saturday night at the wedding, I noticed the meal in front of us. There was plenty of food to feed everyone, but it was simple. Rice, taro, fish, shrimp, pig, breadfruit, potato salad. Simple things from the land and the sea. Simple things Jesus may have eaten. Simple foods, that bring a community together, and truly live out the gospel; sharing life and sharing Christ. A simple thing I have been lucky enough to experience. A simple thing, in a simple place, with everyday people, that has continued to teach me more about the gospel and Jesus than any church ever has.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
My One Minute View from "Paradise"
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Warren Buffet and Micronesians-The way we should all be living!
Our director, Fr. Rich recently gave a homily applauding Warren Buffet for making the public statement, by announcing that the upper class should have to pay more on taxes. He said that the rich get out of paying taxes, even though they have the money for it. He believes it would be in the best interest for the US to give higher taxes to the rich. After recently hearing what a fiticoco (Chuukese word for tangled mess) the US is, how they want to abolish unions (really, Wisconson?) and soon eliminate the middle class, this brought tears to my eyes. I know I am far removed from many things happening in the States, but I believe what Buffet is talking about is something that I have had the privilege of seeing in the past year.
Though the Micronesians don't have much, and many live off of the land, I have seen something so beautiful in this culture. Micronesians share everything. Literally, I have not opened a can of soda, candy bar, or bag of chips and not shared it. Everything I have is not mine, its everyone's; its the communities. Its actually something that is expected, that we will share everything with the community. Even when someone from the family gets a big monetary bonus at work or gets brought food to feed an army (which happens a lot more then you think) they share it with their neighbors and their clans. For an American girl, this took some getting used to, and at first I wanted the bag of chips or the soda to myself. But after living here for a year, I believe this is one system, that actually works, people are actually happy, and money really means buying more goods for our friends and neighbors. Sharing is caring. Government leaders and high chiefs (our upper class) also give away everything to share with the people, because that is their culture and it is the right thing to do.
So what do Warren Buffet and Micronesians have in common? The idea of sharing, the idea that everyone is created equal, and everyone deserves to be treated as a child of God. Its a simple thing really, share. Share what you have with everyone. And in the end, I have faith, that you will be blessed in the most beautiful way.
Though the Micronesians don't have much, and many live off of the land, I have seen something so beautiful in this culture. Micronesians share everything. Literally, I have not opened a can of soda, candy bar, or bag of chips and not shared it. Everything I have is not mine, its everyone's; its the communities. Its actually something that is expected, that we will share everything with the community. Even when someone from the family gets a big monetary bonus at work or gets brought food to feed an army (which happens a lot more then you think) they share it with their neighbors and their clans. For an American girl, this took some getting used to, and at first I wanted the bag of chips or the soda to myself. But after living here for a year, I believe this is one system, that actually works, people are actually happy, and money really means buying more goods for our friends and neighbors. Sharing is caring. Government leaders and high chiefs (our upper class) also give away everything to share with the people, because that is their culture and it is the right thing to do.
So what do Warren Buffet and Micronesians have in common? The idea of sharing, the idea that everyone is created equal, and everyone deserves to be treated as a child of God. Its a simple thing really, share. Share what you have with everyone. And in the end, I have faith, that you will be blessed in the most beautiful way.
Friday, July 8, 2011
Girl Power!
One really great opportunity we have as Micronesian JV’s is the opportunity to have a summer placement. For the summer, Peaches and I are in Pohnpei for Xavier’s Higher Achievement Program, a summer school-like program for soon to be 7th and 8th graders who want to go to Xavier. They are the top students at their schools and we practice English, Reading, and Math skills with them in order to prepare them for the Xavier Entrance Test they will take in January. We also get to live in community with the Pohnpei JV’s Rachael and Molly and live as they do for the summer.
Pohnpei is about an hour plane ride away, but much more developed then Chuuk, and we saw this immediately when we got off of the phone. One of the first signs of this was the automatic door. I was about to push the door open when it, almost magically opened by itself! It seems so strange, I have seen many of these throughout my life, but was somehow blown away but how this door. We have heard all about Pohnpei and how much more developed it is, but this was something I really had not expected.
Moving out of the airport, and still today, little things amazed me. Sitting right now, Rachael and I are at Coco’s Resturant, while the Hawaiian (granted it is 2 weeks late) is playing and we are sipping Iced Coffees! The roads, are drivable and we can even go over 25 miles an hour! In the stores they have what seems like a surplus of fresh fruits, veggies, and even yogurt. There are ten times more restaurants, a movie theater (were going tonight!), and a field for baseball, soccer, and ultimate Frisbee leagues.
Power is something else I have grown pretty used to not having in Chuuk. Even we when did have it, I knew it was only seconds, minutes, or if the power company was being nice, an hour before it would go out. We had gone days without power in Chuuk. Now in Pohnpei is experiencing power problems (not having power for maybe 3 or 4 hours), but it still seems so much better then what is going on in Chuuk. Here I am always expecting the power to go off, and when it doesn’t, it’s still really surprising! It’s really crazy how much of a difference power, roads, and food can have on a person!
Another thing, and this will be really tough when I go home, is I am not used to seeing so many white people. For the first time in my life I am the minority. It’s something I have grown really used to and not really thinking too much about. I think total in Chuuk I have seen between 20-30 white people. Here they are all over the place; working at for Embassy, World Teach, Peace Corp, college teachers, or just ex-pats who own local bars, restaurants, or hotels. Its really crazy, I am still the minority, but not used to having so many people look like me.
One of the great things I have really come to enjoy about Pohnpei is not something that can be seen downtown were all of the action is. Rachael has been able to take me out to her host family and I have also seen a couple of my Xavier students families houses as well. Even though there is so much infrastructure on the island, there is still something so great about experiencing the local setting at a real Pohnepian families house. It looks very similar to Chuuk and they still live on the bare necessities; no beds, no furniture, a TV or two, a cook house, and enough clothes to share amoungst the many family members who live there. Its really great to see that when it does come down to it, it’s just a more glamorous version of Chuuk, just with fruit, veggies, power, and roads. The true Micronesian is still there underneath it all.
There are so many other things I could say about how Pohnpei and Chuuk are different and all of the culture shock I am experiencing just an hour away from Chuuk, but this summer has not been all about the how Pohnpei and Chuuk are different. I have also loved working and being with my community.
Working is very different, then the typical Xavier lifestyle. Instead of teaching 15 hours a day and dealing with teenagers, I only work 3 ½ hours and teach soon to be 8th graders. In the afternoons we have a chance to experience the Pohnepian culture and get to know the island and our students a little bit more. Even though I am teaching Math, I have found it to be a lot of fun and much more interesting then say an English skills class. The 8th graders are also a lot more fun. I feel more like my “goofy camp counselor” self with them, as opposed to the eye rolling I get from the high school students. And I really do love the high school students, but I have really enjoyed the innocence and immaturity that these kids bring. I also really miss all of my high school students, especially the ones who just graduated and the soon to be seniors. They are wonderful and this experience has taught me how lucky I am to get to build such a strong relationship with those who I am serving.
Other then work and Pohnpein life, one aspect of my life in PNI has outshined everything and made my summer one of the best yet. The community of girls I live with Molly, Rachael, and Peaches has been so life giving and wonderful. Immediately have been calling ourselves the “Girl Power Summer Community” and have been having so much fun. Whether we are being silly and dancing to our favorite jams, shopping at thrift stores, watching the baseball games with the locals, dance parties with the host family, sleepovers with Princess movies, or just being our goofy selves, which ends up in all of us laughing until it hurts. We have been blessed to also have deep, meaningful conversations that bring us closer together both intellectually and spiritually. This is what I have always wanted out of community in JVC and I want to bring all of this hope and joy for community back to Xavier as our newbies, Jay and Gabe. Community reall has been the biggest blessing for me this summer and I cannot imagine myself being any happier.
I have also been doing a lot of self-growth here. Prior to summer, I have had so much trouble being myself. At Xavier and in Chuuk, I don’t really feel like I am able to be myself. With the students, fellow faculty, and Chuukese eyes on me, I am the opposite of what it is to be Micronesian. I am loud, talkative, emotional, and a girl who can’t get enough sports! Here, especially with the community, I finally feel like I am more of myself then I have ever been in Micronesia. I not only feel accepted for who I am by the community around me, but I also feel as though my students, and the local people are more excepting of who I am as well. I feel like I am finally getting my grove back, just in time to go back and live up my final year here, the best way possible.
My summer goals have been going strong, even though I know I could practice the guitar a lot more. But I do try and practice Chuukese a couple times a week and have really explored Pohnpei, jumping off waterfalls, hiking, visiting host families, and just exploring. There is a whole lot more to see here, and I have really tried to make the most of it (by still living simply of course)! And on Wednesday, Mom and Dad arrive! I only hope they are ready for PNI and the adventure it will bring!!
Pohnpei is about an hour plane ride away, but much more developed then Chuuk, and we saw this immediately when we got off of the phone. One of the first signs of this was the automatic door. I was about to push the door open when it, almost magically opened by itself! It seems so strange, I have seen many of these throughout my life, but was somehow blown away but how this door. We have heard all about Pohnpei and how much more developed it is, but this was something I really had not expected.
Moving out of the airport, and still today, little things amazed me. Sitting right now, Rachael and I are at Coco’s Resturant, while the Hawaiian (granted it is 2 weeks late) is playing and we are sipping Iced Coffees! The roads, are drivable and we can even go over 25 miles an hour! In the stores they have what seems like a surplus of fresh fruits, veggies, and even yogurt. There are ten times more restaurants, a movie theater (were going tonight!), and a field for baseball, soccer, and ultimate Frisbee leagues.
Power is something else I have grown pretty used to not having in Chuuk. Even we when did have it, I knew it was only seconds, minutes, or if the power company was being nice, an hour before it would go out. We had gone days without power in Chuuk. Now in Pohnpei is experiencing power problems (not having power for maybe 3 or 4 hours), but it still seems so much better then what is going on in Chuuk. Here I am always expecting the power to go off, and when it doesn’t, it’s still really surprising! It’s really crazy how much of a difference power, roads, and food can have on a person!
Another thing, and this will be really tough when I go home, is I am not used to seeing so many white people. For the first time in my life I am the minority. It’s something I have grown really used to and not really thinking too much about. I think total in Chuuk I have seen between 20-30 white people. Here they are all over the place; working at for Embassy, World Teach, Peace Corp, college teachers, or just ex-pats who own local bars, restaurants, or hotels. Its really crazy, I am still the minority, but not used to having so many people look like me.
One of the great things I have really come to enjoy about Pohnpei is not something that can be seen downtown were all of the action is. Rachael has been able to take me out to her host family and I have also seen a couple of my Xavier students families houses as well. Even though there is so much infrastructure on the island, there is still something so great about experiencing the local setting at a real Pohnepian families house. It looks very similar to Chuuk and they still live on the bare necessities; no beds, no furniture, a TV or two, a cook house, and enough clothes to share amoungst the many family members who live there. Its really great to see that when it does come down to it, it’s just a more glamorous version of Chuuk, just with fruit, veggies, power, and roads. The true Micronesian is still there underneath it all.
There are so many other things I could say about how Pohnpei and Chuuk are different and all of the culture shock I am experiencing just an hour away from Chuuk, but this summer has not been all about the how Pohnpei and Chuuk are different. I have also loved working and being with my community.
Working is very different, then the typical Xavier lifestyle. Instead of teaching 15 hours a day and dealing with teenagers, I only work 3 ½ hours and teach soon to be 8th graders. In the afternoons we have a chance to experience the Pohnepian culture and get to know the island and our students a little bit more. Even though I am teaching Math, I have found it to be a lot of fun and much more interesting then say an English skills class. The 8th graders are also a lot more fun. I feel more like my “goofy camp counselor” self with them, as opposed to the eye rolling I get from the high school students. And I really do love the high school students, but I have really enjoyed the innocence and immaturity that these kids bring. I also really miss all of my high school students, especially the ones who just graduated and the soon to be seniors. They are wonderful and this experience has taught me how lucky I am to get to build such a strong relationship with those who I am serving.
Other then work and Pohnpein life, one aspect of my life in PNI has outshined everything and made my summer one of the best yet. The community of girls I live with Molly, Rachael, and Peaches has been so life giving and wonderful. Immediately have been calling ourselves the “Girl Power Summer Community” and have been having so much fun. Whether we are being silly and dancing to our favorite jams, shopping at thrift stores, watching the baseball games with the locals, dance parties with the host family, sleepovers with Princess movies, or just being our goofy selves, which ends up in all of us laughing until it hurts. We have been blessed to also have deep, meaningful conversations that bring us closer together both intellectually and spiritually. This is what I have always wanted out of community in JVC and I want to bring all of this hope and joy for community back to Xavier as our newbies, Jay and Gabe. Community reall has been the biggest blessing for me this summer and I cannot imagine myself being any happier.
I have also been doing a lot of self-growth here. Prior to summer, I have had so much trouble being myself. At Xavier and in Chuuk, I don’t really feel like I am able to be myself. With the students, fellow faculty, and Chuukese eyes on me, I am the opposite of what it is to be Micronesian. I am loud, talkative, emotional, and a girl who can’t get enough sports! Here, especially with the community, I finally feel like I am more of myself then I have ever been in Micronesia. I not only feel accepted for who I am by the community around me, but I also feel as though my students, and the local people are more excepting of who I am as well. I feel like I am finally getting my grove back, just in time to go back and live up my final year here, the best way possible.
My summer goals have been going strong, even though I know I could practice the guitar a lot more. But I do try and practice Chuukese a couple times a week and have really explored Pohnpei, jumping off waterfalls, hiking, visiting host families, and just exploring. There is a whole lot more to see here, and I have really tried to make the most of it (by still living simply of course)! And on Wednesday, Mom and Dad arrive! I only hope they are ready for PNI and the adventure it will bring!!
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