Discernment. We hear it all the time, especially in the Jesuit world. Praying, waiting, conversations, waiting, journaling, waiting, and eventually coming down to a decision with the help of family, friends, community, and God. Discernment is the reason why it took a month or two to decide that JVC was the program for me. It's the reason why men take years to join the Jesuits. Carefully, praying. Conversations with others about what is best. But mostly, an inner passion that one cannot explain.
Since joining JVC and coming to Micronesia, I have felt like one of the lost sheep trying to figure out what my Shepherd wants from me. Not so much in Micronesia, but what to do upon my return, to answer the question "what's next," and to figure out where my values, beliefs, and priorities are.
For my family or anyone who knew me as a younger girl, dating back to late childhood into preteens, they could probably tell you I was fired up about women's rights. I wanted to join the football team to prove girls could do it. I wanted to either be the first female president or the first female priest. I even choose Joan of Arc as my confirmation name because I felt like she resembled "Girl Power" the best out of all the saints. Football fell through. I found other saints to admire for their humility and generosity. And after my strict-Catholic great-aunts and grandmother also had a heart attack that I would ever be able to be a priest, I decided to focus on being the first female president. I am not into politics at all, so luckily someone else will take that task away from me.
All of this "Girl Power", "Girls Rule", "You Go Girl!" and so on was put on the back burner, never thinking twice because I grew up in a place where equality was the norm. I never had to fight for anything because I was a female and I never felt like I wasn't allowed to do anything because of my gender. It wasn't until Micronesia I felt the need to be passionate about being a female or challenge inequality.
Being in Micronesia, this passion has came back. I always felt like the girl's here have been overlooked in various ways and opportunities. This week sealed the deal. While proctoring detention I read a National Geographic article about how soap opera's in Brazil depicting powerful women has created a feminist movement and sexually harassment is down, because women feel more empowered. Then there was an article in TIME about women in Africa staying in school for only a few years longer increase family income, decreases infant mortality, decreases death during pregnancy (since most are young teenage mothers), and are creating a better economy for the villages and cities.
I think this all came to a head when a class of girls asked me about tampons. I took this time to education students about their bodies. I noticed how great it felt to talk to these girls, not just about their bodies, but about empowering themselves as females. The "Girl Power" has hit Xavier and Micronesia. It's not a lot, but its a start. It's new ideas and conversations. I'm not sure if this is a deeply rooted passion I am just discovering that will lead me into the next phase of my life or a movement that will stay in Chuuk. All I know is it's exciting, it's thrilling, and it's interesting. It was definitely unexpected, but its a big gift that God has given me, and for that I am thankful.
